Thanksgiving. Giving Thanks.

Thanksgiving is always a mixed feelings kind of day for me. It's generally about being thankful for what you have and knowing that someone else has a lot less. And also wishing you could share some of what you have, with someone who doesn't have it.

On the morning of thanksgiving, while I was cleaning up, I realized my boys were fighting a lot worse than usual. Not only that, but it seemed like they were enjoying it. Purposely tormenting each other. I'd never been through this as the parent before so I took a deep breath, said a quick prayer...and opened my mouth without the faintest clue of what might come out.

I did feel led to certain phrases and it did seem to work. I am very thankful that my children have the gift of reasoning. I'm not very thankful that my children have long memories. We played a game after this as I was done with the housework but we weren't ready to leave yet for the in-law's. I went first and I mentioned all the things (big and small) that I'm thankful for. Then I asked each child what they were thankful for.

It really made me think. Really. I was thankful for things for myself (and my family) I hadn't thought to be thankful for anyone else. My 5 year old said this:

"I'm thankful for my brother! [apparently the talk we had was still fresh in his mind] and my mommy, and my daddy, and Dusten, and Katie. And I'm thankful for this house even though it's too small and has stairs because there are people that don't have houses at all! I wish everyone in the world was able to have a house, even if they had to share with someone else"

I'm very grateful to have what we do have. I'm grateful to have a caring husband who is supportive of nearly everything I do (he naturally isn't supportive of me taking on so much that I crack at the seams), that works hard to provide for us, that loves us and shows how much he loves us every day. I'm grateful that he finally found a new job. I'm grateful that we have a running vehicle. I'm grateful we have health insurance, even if it is medicaid. I'm grateful that while I sit here missing my most recent angel, that I have 3 healthy angels upstairs sleeping right now. I'm grateful to have a family that has my best interest at heart and so many caring wonderful friends, who I've met over the years through pregnancy, healthy living, even trying to learn how to care for my hair better.

I'm grateful to be alive, and to have so many loved ones still with me. It doesn't get much better than this :)

November? Really?

I'm having a tough time right now. With the weather!

It is now the seventh of November and today it was almost 70 degrees (F) outside! To say this is unusual would be an understatement. Here in the Cornhusker State average temps in November are 38 degrees. Average HIGH is 50 degrees. I believe this is the fabled Indian Summer. I like it :-)

Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and after that is Christmas. I am completely unprepared. We're flat broke so I can't even buy the boys a game for the xbox or anything. Good thing I planned for the xbox to be a family Christmas gift or we'd be really feeling sorry for ourselves hehe.

I'm a little nervous actually, about this month and next month. November 11th of 2009 I ovulated and ended up getting pregnant from it. 11-27-09 I got a positive pregnancy test and on 12-11-09, only one month after ovulating, I miscarried. I passed the big milestone (the due date) but I had a lot of problems after the last miscarriage of the day I got pregnant and found out and then miscarried. I really hope this one goes a little smoother.

The children are still awake, apparently the time change has affected them as well. Although I have to admit the younger two haven't been sleeping well the past few weeks. Here's hoping that they start sleeping better soon!

Halloween with my bunch.

As everyone knows yesterday was Halloween. A holiday I guess.

Here's how it goes: everyone goes out and spends a lot of money to pretend they are someone (or something) else. Then they spend a lot of money on food items that will rot teeth. Then you either hand out the candy to everyone who knocks on your door or you go door to door looking for candy. Great holiday!

We did the latter. And since I've done the quoting thing before, prepare to laugh. a lot.

"Mommy, my costume has lots of BOOBIES!" (repeated about 15 times, Jake)
"Mommy, I pretty!" (before she even had her costume on, "yes you ARE pretty...now will you put the pretty dress mommy spent $20 on? your pants and shirt will still show I promise!")
"Mommy, we can't go trick or treating until it's dark! It has to be dark Mom!" (Caleb, while we were on our way to the Mall for the safe night)

"Candy!" (Katie, when we were waiting to go trick or treating at grandma's. and going through the candy they were handing out)
"Wow you give lots of candy! we're going to come back to your house!" (Caleb)
"See you next year!" (Jacob)

I spent the whole walk LMAO. I was pushing the stroller which had a kid in it about half the time, and was empty the other half. Everyone else seemed to have fun though!

Chicken Broccoli Casserole

for 13X9" casserole dish/cake pan.

Ingredients:
3-4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
2 bags of microwavable or boil chopped broccoli
16oz shredded cheese (we use cheddar but we've used other kinds)
1 large egg or 2 medium eggs
1 can of cream of mushroom soup (small can)
1 can of cream of chicken soup
1 6oz box of stove top stuffing for chicken (dry)
1 stick of butter or margarine

Directions:
1.) Boil frozen chicken breasts for 45 minutes or thawed chicken breasts for 30 minutes on high. (I wait until the water boils to add the chicken, and I do it the day before and put it in the fridge overnight) Dice chicken into chunks that would be small enough for a bite.

2.) preheat oven to 350 and prepare broccoli. spread broccoli evenly over the bottom of casserole dish/pan.

3.) mix chicken chunks, cheese, soups, egg(s) in a large bowl. place over broccoli, smoothing until even.

4.) melt butter/margarine and pour over stove top in a small bowl. toss until it is all coated. sprinkle on top of chicken & cheese mixture.

5.) bake for 30 minutes and ENJOY.

I have since forgotten the original recipe, that I got from a friend, this is however the recipe that I have stayed with for the past year or more. It's delicious, although it doesn't *look* good.

Happy Due Date To Me...

I have been trying to be brave and whatnot but today is just hard. Today is the Due Date for the baby I lost in December. At this point I will either have already had my new bundle and been sterilized, or I'd still be huge and uncomfortable and trying to get said little one to come out and meet us already!

I just don't know how to forget that I wanted something so much and was thisclose to getting it, and then it all went out with a gush of blood and cramps.

It does not help that Caleb (my "big guy" according to the boy himself) will be moving on to Kindergarten. Our original family plan was to have 4 in 4...that had to be put off because Jake wasn't the easiest infant and we wanted a few years to work on our marriage. 2nd family plan was to have 2 in 2, 5yr gap and then 2 in 2. Then I got pregnant with Katie...*sigh*

We aren't sure when our next tiny family member will be born, but we're hoping s/he comes before Big Sis (aka, Sissy) turns 5. That's about all we can do right now!

good update

Unfortunately although this *is* in fact a good update, I couldn't think of a better title. In list form:

• Got my award letter finally! I'm really excited.
• Got Caleb enrolled in Kindergarten.
• Passing my 2 classes
• Had to drop a class :(
• Mother Nature showed up with her monthly gift. Plus accessories (if you know what I mean)

Adventures in Fincancial Aid

I had hoped to be able to write this post with the first sentence starting off with something along the lines of "whew that was CLOSE!" unfortunately I can only start it off with an expression of my ever-mounting frustration.

My Financial Aid troubles first began last October/November. I had a reckless 3 year old and no time at all to study or do homework. I was constantly stressed about everything. Mostly I worried every time I went to class about Jake. He was up to some crazy things and I just could not concentrate. I decided to withdraw from my classes and pay the little they ask for when you do not finish what you start. Manageable and preferable to the constant strain of wondering what the boy was up to now and if DH was capable of handling him when he REALLY gets going.

I was not sure at first if it was a good idea. My guess would be that the children received little to no discipline while Mommy was busy trying to make a better life for all of us. Alternatively, perhaps they were overjoyed to have 1:1 time with Mommy again (or more accurately 3:1 time).

Time passed. I discovered the day after Thanksgiving that I was pregnant. Less than two weeks later, I got the news that I was definitely having another miscarriage. I began to long for the days of due dates (for assignments) and the feeling of productiveness the endless assignments and study gave me. I wanted to go back to school. I got the money paid so I could register, potty trained the little guy (who outgrew his daredevil death-wish phase just in time to save my sanity) and registered.

Then life happened, I did not get my award letter and decided I should definitely see what is up. What was up was that they still had the block on from me owing them money. It was no big deal, easy fix. I take the receipt down and they say everything should be fine. 2 days later I get a letter saying that they need to verify my income from last year. Nothing new, we range from $5k a year to a hefty $14k...and this is the 3rd time they asked for our tax information. I grab my tax papers and run them down to the financial aid office. They tell me it is not enough because we got a w2 and it was not with my tax return. The frustration starts to build.

Partly I am frustrated because DH decided I am too slow at this college thing and decided to jump in himself. Same FAFSA information, same tax returns. I am audited and he is not. Also it is HIS w2 that is inconveniently missing. After several fruitless days of searching, I finally locate it with the help of my Brother-in-law. I take it down the financial aid and the computers are down. It’s Monday July 12th, my 5th anniversary and I was stuck at the school hoping I could get my books before the quarter starts. It did not look likely. I asked them to please call me when they had my information put in and I could get my books.

The next morning I get a phone call from a very confused financial aid person asking what question I could have for them about my financial aid, considering I had not even turned in my verifications. At  this point I felt like that was the only thing I did right. I try not to imagine what I would be doing if I had not left my number and asked for a phone call. In all likelihood, I would be twiddling my thumbs still. As it was, I was able to express (without too much irritation) that I had dropped them off the day before and requested a phone call when I could get my books. The helpful voice suggested that he set up my book account immediately and I could feel free to accept my financial aid awards when I got my new award letter.

That was July 13^th. I did not realize I had only $400 to buy $450 worth of required textbooks + supplies. The promised award letter never came and follow up calls suggested that they were “working on it” I gave up getting the rest of my supplies from my financial aid and played the waiting game. I did get a promising email that my MPN (master promissory note) was processed and the government would be sending along a little note to the school that I can get my aid packaged now.

I am so frustrated, but for now, I have my books. That is enough.

My classes are challenging but undemanding. I hope I can pass all 3, and that my kids come out of this quarter alive and thriving. Each quarter passed brings me one-step closer to the ultimate goal. :)

Growth Spurt 101

From what I know of basic biology, the majority of any person's growth happens during REM sleep. That's why babies sleep so much and adults don't. With me so far?

In the past 2 days Katie has taken THREE naps. 2 just today. (one at 10am and one at...er...right now)

The other basic biology tidbit I know is that any living thing requires FOOD to grow. I'm sure you see where I am heading with this? I can see that you do! My beautiful little 2 year old will probably be more than 28 pounds even here soon, or she'll be taller than the 36" she measured in at last week. She always eats the first serving I give her, and usually will get seconds and eat about half. she's been consistently eating seconds today. That's right! Double breakfast, double lunch, double snack.

I feel sad but on the other hand, enjoying my much needed break from her antics. I never thought I would wish these baby years away but I cannot wait until she is 3!

A typical conversation with the 2 year old

and you can see why it wears me out LOL


Katie: Issy warking
Me: someone's working?
Katie: no! issy warking AT ME
Me: someone's working at you?
Katie: (shakes head) no. issy...ARKING...at me
Me: arking? someone's arking...? barking! Missy's barking at you??
Katie: (smiles big) yeah! Good job, Mommy!

Sometimes I wonder if she does it on purpose just to watch me struggle! :-)

Special Day

On this day 26 years ago, I came into this world.

I was a whopping 3lbs 6.5oz (back in the day when they split up oz as well as pounds) I was in the hospital both here and in Omaha at the UNMC. I was in an incubator for a long time, and even had surgery to close off the hole in my heart, called Patent ductus arteriosus. I was not given a good prognosis, my pediatrician said I'd already have died if I'd been a boy (something like 25% survival rate at the time). Being a girl gave me an even chance to survive.


I did survive. I surpassed everyone's expectations and although I was a 33 week preemie, I was caught up for my age in everything except weight by the time I was 2 years old. Pretty cool, huh? By the time I was 12 I weighed in at an average 115lbs for my age and height. I was 5'4", taller than both my sisters and my mother. By the time I was 16 I attained my full healthy growth at 5'6" and 130lbs. Quite a difference from a baby that could be held in her mothers palm.


And there's more....


When I was 22 years old I got the best birthday present a mom could get. I delivered my 2nd child.

Jacob was born at 10:21PM on July 6, 2006. He was 8lbs 10oz and 20" long. A big boy by some standards, but at a full pound smaller than his big brother, he still remains my smallest baby. at 4 years old he is 34lbs and 40" tall. I am blessed to be his mother, and proud to call him my boy.

Happy Birthday, Jakey. And I wish you many more to come.